The Fight in Little Phoenix

Trust me. We parents have all been there. The setting could be a sports field or a kitchen table. The matter at hand could be trying to hit even a slowly thrown baseball or calculating the answer to a problem that begins with something like "If one train left Topeka at 7 AM going 70 miles per hour, and another..." We have all seen our children either be on the verge of tears or into full-blown hyperventilating crying out of the simple frustration of not being able to do something—whatever than something may be!

And so while enjoying my morning coffee, I saw that a Facebook "friend" had shared a video of a little boy in his karate class. Now as a father who has coached and watched more than a few thousand practices in his day, one knows that a lot of the time, as the saying down South goes, "you really don't want to see how the sausage gets made!" A good bit of the time, whether it be 6 year olds or young teens, the process of getting kids to do things and listen—well, sometimes it feels like evenNick Saban couldn't get through to some little ones!

But I also know from having spent much time on soccer fields and in basketball gyms as a coach and a parent, that sometimes, there are such small, yet very important, victories that happen for kids in practice—and not during whatever the next "big game" may be. This is especially true for those who—honestly—from a performance and skill standpoint, are often not the most valuable and naturally gifted of players! Often, such moments occur when a young boy or girl succeeds in doing something in practice that may be tremendously hard for them—magnified by the fact that the "thing" seems so easy to the others around him or her—that makes special moments—and maybe life-changing moments—for themselves!

And so, without further ado, let's go to the videotape. As the saying goes, just watch... The meaning of the moment, for everyone involved, but especially for the little 5 year-old boy named Phoenix, is self-explanatory!

The video was shared by the Orlando dojo where the scene took place—and yes, it has gone viral. The backstory on the video however is so very good, and it makes what you saw all the more meaningful. The post from Bobby Dixon's American Martial Arts Academy explains things oh so well!

And so is there a larger meaning to this? As a management consultant and professor, I do believe that there certainly is one—and in fact, a couple of great messages that one can draw out of this video. This 73 seconds encapsulates so much of what it means to be a good leader, a good manager, a good coach, a good mentor, and yes, a good parent. I think that it even speaks to what it means to be a good teammate, a good coworker, and yes, a good friend or family member! In sum, I think that for those who might be in fields from education to counseling to training to management, this one video clip tells you much of what one needs to know about how to be better in whatever role you find yourself—likely far better than any high-priced training program or development course ever could!

Let's then look at this from a variety of perspectives. First off, we, as a teacher, as a coach, as a manager, as a mentor, as a pastor, etc.—really as a leader of people in any circumstance—could only hope to have the patience and clarity of purpose demonstrated by Erik Gianini, the 31 year-old karate instructor in this situation (you can—and should—read a great interview with him on how this all happened and the aftermath of the video going viral here). And remember the context: He was dealing with a crying, upset, highly disappointed 5 year old little boy! The Sensei was the epitome of calm and reassuring in his demeanor. Gianini's instructions were clear. And, most important, his tone was "right" to help Phoenix succeed in his task. And remember, we do exist in a bottom-line, results-oriented world! So even with 5 year olds, lessons learned in the dojo can—and often do—translate into important life lessons that can build confidence for many other circumstances that are inarguably far, far more consequential, often many years down the road.

Next, let's look at what took place from the viewpoint of the crying, yet determined, little boy. Phoenix had a goal that he was focused on—passing his belt test. He had watched all of his peers pass the test (i.e., they had broken the board) to progress to the yellow belt, and as such, being the sole "loser" in the situation quite understandably opened the spigot of tears for a 5 year old. However, he was determined to succeed. He was motivated—yes internally, but also externally by his Sensei and by his classmates. And in the end, with their help and encouragement, little Phoenix did succeed in mastering the task! It might be viewed as one of life's "small victories" by some out there, but hey, when was the last time you broke a board with any body part? (And no, I'm not raising my hand—5 year old Phoenix has done something I could never do!).

Thirdly, let's praise that behavior demonstrated by little Phoenix's classmates! There was no laughing; there was no audible snide remarks - which is amazing if you have spent 5 minutes in situations involving three or more kids of any age! They were encouraging him! They were cheering for him! As a manager dealing with workers or as a teacher dealing with any age of students, from kindergarten through college and even beyond in training scenarios, you should have the lofty goal of creating just such a positive, uplifting learning environment! Creating a culture and a dynamic where we celebrate everyone achieving—without jealousy, derision, or even worse—is an achievement to which anyone who leads, teaches, mentors, or coaches people of any age should aspire. Some may argue that such an environment is difficult, if not impossible, to achieve in 2019. But, why don't you try?

And lastly—and this could really be the most important element here—let's consider what the parents did—or rather, what they did not do - in this particular situation. They did not do what is the tendency of so many mothers and fathers today. They did not intervene. They did not run to console their crying child. They did not try and shield Phoenix from the prospect of even more failure from more failing tries to break that darn board! Rather than being smothering, "helicoptering" parents, they let him work things through - albeit with the support of both a very responsible adult teacher and a whole class of kids—of a variety of ages mind you—chanting "Phoenix! Phoenix! Phoenix!" more loudly and strongly than Phoenix Suns fans have in many, many years!

And so, why don't you ask yourself a key question right now. Think back on your experiences when you have been in a leadership role of any type. How many times—as a parent, as a manager, as a teacher or professor, as a trainer, as a coach - have you given up—or allowed someone in your charge to give up—just on the cusp of success? It is such a hard thing to judge—in any of these roles that you find yourself playing (and often multiple ones in the same day and perhaps the same hour!)—when to push and when to ease up. That is a something - a sense, an instinct, a gift - that one can only gain from experience and yes, to use management-speak - from "lessons learned."

In the end however, the beauty of the moment captured in this video should be simply appreciated and celebrated. It is one of those simple moments that yes, thanks to us having smartphones in our pockets and the capability to shoot high quality video anywhere and anytime, no longer just happens and then is gone. What "the world will little note, nor long remember..." as President Abraham Lincoln said many, many years ago in a far different context on a hillside in Gettysburg has certainly been transformed, thanks to the power and miracle of modern technology!

Today, we can all draw inspiration from little Phoenix, his karate teacher, his parents, and yes, his classmates. I hope that the video—and the lessons we can take away from the actions of all who happened to be in that one karate studio in Orlando that day—will live on and teach us all just a bit about perseverance, patience, kindness, and empathy—things we could all use more of in today's world!

Well done, kiddo—and really, by everyone there!!!

About David Wyld

David Wyld ([email protected]) is a Professor of Strategic Management at Southeastern Louisiana University in Hammond, Louisiana. He is a management consultant, researcher/writer, publisher, executive educator, and experienced expert witness. He is the founder and publisher of both The IDEA Publishing (The Best in News, Information and Content Marketing) and Modern Business Press (The Best in Academic Journals).

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