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Ridiculous, but Possible NBA Trades

These NBA player swaps are highly unlikely but, hey, anything's possible.

By Stone StrankmanPublished 7 years ago 4 min read
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People have been talking about trading DeMarcus Cousins for a couple of years now. He’s only signed through the 2017–2018 season, and will proceed to finally be a free agent. Unless, Sacramento decides to trade him, which I see to be highly unlikely because Boogie will either throw a fit about going to the wrong team, or the Kings can’t find the right deal for them.

Due to this series of unfortunate events, I have created these highly unlikely trades for myself on NBA Trade Machine — ESPN. We will start with Boogie moving out of Sacramento, and move onto some very strange but possibly logical dream trades that should happen before the 2017 NBA Trade Deadline, February 23, 2017 3 p.m. EST.

Trade One: Cousins joins Wall in Washington for a Kentucky reunion.

NBA Trade Machine — ESPN

Sure, the trade seems insane for the Kings to pull a move on, but add a 2017 first round pick, and either another future first or second round pick and it’s not entirely insane. Cousins has voiced that he would like to play with John Wall again, and why not make this happen? While Cousins was playing in Kentucky he was able to mildly tame his temper, and played quite well with Wall. Kentucky reunion you ask? Might as well get Anthony Davis, Eric Bledsoe, Julius Randle and Devin Booker onto this team as well, then get Calipari to coach the team and we’ll have a few NCAA titles. Wait, this is the NBA, never mind.

I believe this would be the only situation that Boogie would sign a long term deal with during this upcoming summer. This isn’t going to happen, but this should definitely happen.

Trade Two: Sixers smartly get rid of Okafor.

NBA Trade Machine — ESPN

Joel Embiid is obviously the big man that the Philadelphia 76ers have to keep, and with two other very large young human beings on their roster, they need to get rid of one of them. Embiid plays much better with Noel on the floor rather than Okafor, so the smartest decision would be to dish Okafor away.

The 76ers need people to put the ball in the bucket more often, while Smart and Green are sort of good at scoring, it’s 100 times better than having TJ McConnell being someone you try to count on to score, even though the guy has perfect hair throughout the entirety of games. Smart and Green are easy for Boston to dump because in an upcoming guard heavy draft with a probable top three pick from Brooklyn.

Trade Okafor, make The Process happy, and Nerlens Noel might not get pissed at the Philadelphia organization.

Trade Three: Rose and Noah get shipped back to Chicago.

NBA Trade Machine — ESPN

Yup, I shipped the duo of Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah back to Chicago. Noah has no desire of making a bucket standing around a foot away from the basket while standing at or around SEVEN FEET TALL. If I was seven feet tall, you can bet your ass I’m making an uncontested layup. Noah’s contract is also atrocious, but when the new CBA happens this summer it won’t be half as bad, but still… $17 million a year for FOUR years.

Rose has shown that he can still play basketball after both of his knees have been murdered over the past four years. While Rose is a dynamic scorer in the paint, he doesn’t pass the ball to Porzingis in wide open mid-range or even three point situations, and decides to drive and throw up a floater. If the Knicks were to acquire Rondo, he would be able to throw absolute dimes to Porzingis, and I would be able to tweet more videos about Lordzingis.

Dwyane Wade is my favorite player, and is better than Courtney Lee so might as well get him to New York.

Trade Four: KNICKS TRADE MELO. ALERT. KNICKS TRADE MELO.

NBA Trade Machine — ESPN

The Hawks have apparently decided to take an atomic bomb to their roster other than Dwight Howard and Dennis Schroder. Atlanta has said that Paul Millsap is on the trade block, and they have already dealt Kyle Korver to Cleveland. This makes it an easy deal for the Hawks. While you are saying to me, “Why in the world would the Knicks get rid of Melo?” First, the Knicks can’t even trade Melo because he has a no trade clause in his contract, but if he were to lift it this would be possible. His defense has become lackadaisical, and has been calling his own number rather than running plays that Jeff Hornacek calls.

The Knicks new lineup would likely be:

PG: Rajon Rondo

SG: Dwyane Wade

SF: Mindaugas Kuzminskas

PF: Unicorn (Kristaps Porzingis)

C: Kyle O’Quinn

This might not be the prettiest lineup ever, but this gives the opportunity to Porzingis to take over as team leader and the ability for him to keep making faces like this:

I have created enough mayhem in your mind with this ridiculous trades, I know I have.

basketball
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About the Creator

Stone Strankman

I'm in a committed relationship with the NBA. Staff Writer, The Unbalanced.

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