If the Shoe Fits…

Under Armour has admitted a hard truth. They conceded that their flagship sneaker, the Curry 3, was not selling as well as they originally hoped. CEO Kevin Plank did his best to “business-talk” his way out of this harsh reality. Yet the perceptive reader/listener was consistently reminded that the corporate tongue is typically forked. Ironically, the Curry 3 might be one of the more unappealing sneakers a reigning MVP has ever worn.

I have never played professional basketball nor am I friends with Steph Curry, and am likewise limited as to my knowledge regarding his satisfaction with this “episode of The Office you’ve seen seven times” with laces. If I photoshopped the gold UA and the grey SC off the shoe, could I convince you it was made by Skechers? I bet I could. That’s a Sketcher. There are multiple aesthetic issues with this sneaker: the pointless expanded heel, the uninspired silhouette and the complete absence of a design narrative. Wilson Smith, a designer for Nike (lead designer on the “Jazzed Up” Jordan XVII) says that every great design tells a story. The Curry 3 doesn’t so much tell a tale, as it reminds you to floss daily.

*Side note: Wilson sold Jordan on the XVII design with jazz and piano accompaniment during the pitch.

Of course the saving grace for Under Armour is that Steph Curry, one of the world’s most popular athletes, happens to be in their stable of athletes and wears the offending shoe during his feats of greatness.

Such is the symbiotic relationship between basketball stars and sneaker companies. It has been so since the byegone days of the PF Flyer and smoking in the locker room at halftime. A player of great to transcendent skill agrees to be a walking marketing campaign, and the shoe company commits its wealth and (if the design is inspired) cultural immortality. To own a player’s signature kicks was to align oneself with that player or to achieve the greatest of cultural benchmarks — to be cool.

I never owned signature sneakers. I thumbed through Eastbay magazine, circling the shoes I lusted for. Jordan XI’s, CB4’s, AIR MAX uptempos, KB8’s, Foamposites and the like existed only in inky pages for me. My parents would never deign to spend hundreds of dollars on shoes and their disapproval meant that even with my own money, neither would I.

Ironically, Lonzo Ball will also be without a signature sneaker. For the truly transcendent talents, courtship with sneaker companies is a foregone conclusion. When Kobe left Adidas for Nike, it nearly broke the company. When LeBron opted for a massive deal with Nike it ensured the swoosh’s on and off court preeminence for years to come (“yeezy season approachin’…”). The fact that John Wall is without a sneaker deal is newsworthy. Thus with the financial and cultural power of shoe companies, there is news even in the negative space. Lonzo Ball is a rare basketball talent who will be selected with one of the first three picks in the upcoming NBA Draft. He’s Jason Kidd with a funky jumper. Yet, as of right now it appears the typical courtship rituals are not bearing fruit. The big three (Nike, Adidas and UA) have come calling but a domineering father has chased many would-be beau’s away.

In the case of LaVar Ball, Lonzo’s father, it is not about a father who sits on the porch slowly cleaning a shotgun while he waits for his daughter to return from a date. Rather it is about a father that would very much like to be romanced, and is living his life vicariously through his son.

LaVar, as you can see, is the proud czar of his own athletic wear and lifestyle design storefront — Big Baller Brand. Like you, I thought Big Baller Brand was certainly a type of Cognac Puff Daddy was selling. It is not. It is a very on-the-nose money grab by a man comfortable with the spotlight. LaVar has graduated from the Terrell school of self-appreciation, magna cum laude. He has yet to meet a set of quotation marks he didn’t like, and refuses to exude anything less than a deep disregard for anyone’s presumptions pertaining to his offspring. Ball the elder apparently made it clear that should a sneaker company sign the terrific Lonzo, they must be prepared to include the Big Baller Brand as well. This is a terrifically Old Testament bit of two-for-one swindlery, which would no doubt net the Ball’s a substantial amount of money. However, the big sneaker companies are well versed in the art of exploitation and seem ill at ease with LaVar’s demands. One side will inevitably balk. Or Lonzo will wear shoes covered in Chinese symbols (not merely the sweat of Chinese children — heyyyyoooo).

Remember, there’s always Skechers.