David Fizdale’s Rant Is Everything Good About the NBA Playoffs

Each year, we get a highlight that resonates in our brains for years to come. No, it’s not that one play that may change the game, or even move a team on all the way to a title. It’s the moment where somebody reaches their boiling point, and leaves us with a memory to last a lifetime.

Last year, we were lucky enough to get a few. We had Draymond Green becoming the deadliest weapon when it comes to targeting crotches and Steph Curry’s mouthguard meltdown. We had to wait until the NBA Finals to get these freak outs.

This year, we waited three whole days.

Nobody expected getting a lot out of this year’s 2 vs. 7 matchup between the San Antonio Spurs and the Memphis Grizzlies. The Spurs have a date with the Warriors in the Western Conference Finals, and have been waiting to mow over the Grizz and send them on their way. That wasn’t before the refs (allegedly) stole a game from Memphis, while Fizdale proceeded to steal the show.

It could not be more perfect. From start to finish, Fizdale’s progressive explosion was one for the ages.

Just look how simple it starts. He fields a question about game strategy, makes a slight joke about downing a full-bodied glass of red on the way back to the drawing board in Memphis. You hear a slight chuckle from the media, and it just seems like business as usual. Nowhere near what you could’ve heard across the hall at the Popovich presser.

Just when you think there’s nothing to see here, you hear the first sign. That one heavy exhale sets up everything the next question needed. No matter what the question was, Fizdale was the new conductor of this train. This press conference was going exactly the direction he wanted it to.

The 35 second mark is where you go back to once you get your popcorn ready. Nobody expected the Grizzlies to steal a game from San Antonio, as this team was clearly mismatched in every way shape and form. The Grizzlies fourth quarter comeback was the one shimmering hope Fizdale and this team had to actually putting a chink in the Spurs armor. You know that he knew that as the wheels started to come undone.

Then the shots start flying. Mike Conley, who Fizdale correctly paints as the closest thing to a saint that we’ve seen in the NBA, couldn’t get a foul call. The rookie coach immediately then threw a haymaker towards the refs, saying it was a poorly officiated game.

Now that we have the whole “is he going to get fined” thing out of the way, that’s when we headed to the stats portion of our evening. Never in sports has a list of stats been more entertaining. Instead of just saying Zach Randolph shot as many free throws last night as the people likely reading this, he explained how he’s “one of the most rugged players in the NBA”.

Anybody could’ve mentioned how absurd it was that the Grizzlies shot just 15 free throws all game compared to Kawhi Leonard’s 19, but the way Fizdale did it as he continued to reach towards his boiling point was nothing short of awe inspiring. The subtle breaks to turn his head and scowl like someone who just witnessed his teammate get posterized in between stat-laced rants was nothing short of fantastic.

By the time he reached the comparison of the total free throws taken for each team (15 for Memphis and 32 for the Spurs), Fizdale was full out yelling into the microphone. Like the kind of lecturing tone you’d hear your dad give you after you fought with your sibling for the millionth time on a high holiday. Then he simply asked for an explanation.

An explanation why Saint Michael of Conley simply couldn’t get respect even though the posture child of composure couldn’t keep his cool. A reason why a “young rookie” like himself couldn’t get the respect that Gregg Popovich receives. Many earn respect by speaking softly and carrying a big stick. That used to be his label until he shot off like a bottle rocket.

Like every great rant, you have to end it with a show. Even after you heard the “okay, thank you” from the corner indicating the end of the questions, he gave us the perfect exclamation point.

TAKE THAT FOR DATA.

The perfect punctuation for the perfect rant.

The best part is, Fizdale was absolutely right about every single thing he said. In a regular season game, this might’ve been swept under the rug. But this is the playoffs. If he didn’t pop his top off it would’ve been the biggest swing and miss at an excuse to explode. Or, if you’re extremely lame, avoiding the fine that is surely on the way, while maintaining composure.

The entire rant is the perfect summary of how everyone is feeling during the NBA Playoffs. Proud, aggravated, and willing to fight well past the whistle for your team.

Now, I’m just waiting for the company to start pumping out those shirts that read “take that for data” in big bold letters so I can immediately send my money to them.