A New NBA

In February rumors were abound regarding the possibility of NBA expansion. Commissioner Adam Silver has typically been quite conservative regarding potential expansion but he’s also a rail-thin white dude who gives perfect dap so let’s not suppose he’s anything less than pleasantly surprising. Several cities were mentioned as potential landing spots. Seattle, Lousville, Kansas City, Virginia Beach, Anaheim, Las Vegas, Anaheim, Mexico City and San Jose have all generated conversation to varying levels of authenticity as NBA host cities. There are basically four categories these cities fall in:

Everyone wants it:

Mexico City — Silver said in January he’s interested in placing a franchise in Mexico City. Games held there typically draw extremely well and one imagines such interest would only increase with a local franchise.

Seattle — Duh. The city is ready. An ownership group is ready. Silver is ready. This will happen.

The city wants it:

Louisville — The ‘ville municipal government has been pushing for a franchise since 2012. At first I thought “oh that’s not that long ago” then I realized it’s been five years and apparently I’m of an age that compresses half-decades into “not that long”. Crap.

The city doesn’t want it:

KC — Mayor Sly James is on the record in opposition to adding an NBA expansion franchise. However he has also petitioned on social media for the NBA to bring the All Star game to Kansas City. James wants a known (read: guaranteed as profitable) commodity rather than a cultural and economic infant. I have a plan for Mayor James and Kansas City…

The rest:

Some cities make sense. Some are super dumb. Others are simply the only major cities without teams which people can name.

The NBA should add teams in a few of these cities and avoid some like the plague. The league should shorten the season and reorganize conferences and the playoff structure. Thank God they have us. We are going to Freddie Prinze Jr. this ish.

Our New NBA

The “She’s All That” NBA will have 36(!!!) teams, divided into 4 regionally specified divisions. The preseason will only include four games, all at non-league arenas. Every season will feature regular seasons games in London, Beijing, Dubai, Lima, Barcelona, Paris, Lagos, Sau Paulo and Cairo. Expansion teams are exempt from playing “off-continent” for their first six years.

Player rest has become an enormous issue which has compelling critics and champions. Any developing approach to the NBA should address this issue. The obvious answer is to shorten the season. The “She’s All That” NBA will feature a 73 game schedule. The SATNBA’s schedule will include one game against every non-conference opponents a year (you go to their place in year 1, they come to your house year 2 etc.) Can you imagine the fervor in a city if Russell Westbrook was going to be in town once every two years?! It would become a “#” event. Also imagine the hatred stored up for a player who has betrayed and/or deserted a team. Would the anti-Durant sentiment lessened or festered if it were two years before he returned to OKC?

A team located in the geographic west would make one northeastern swing a year, thus mitigating travel fatigue (“but what about the trip to Dubai!!!” shut up). The remainder of the games would be against eight conference foes.

So a team’s schedule looks like this:27 games against non-conference opponents (one of which is “off-continent”).The “off-continent” game is the final game before the All-Star Weekend.The remaining 46 regular season games are played against the eight conference opponents. A team plays every conference opponent six times, three at home and three away.

Advantages:*Players should avoid the fatigue associated with the current 82 game schedule*The league makes a greater global footprint (and has an opportunity for some excellent press).*Conference rivalries are encouraged because of the emphasis on regionally directed scheduling and organization. I want teams to hate each other again.

Disadvantages:*Cities only host marquee visiting non-conference players once every two years.*Owners’ revenue will be reduced due to reduction in number of games played. However most of the population is already priced out of attending games and digital consumption is constantly rising in both popularity and feasibility. Could one of the big three (Amazon, Facebook, Twitter) swoop in and stream games?

The Conferences

EastToronto RaptorsNew York KnicksBrooklyn NetsPhiladephia 76ersBoston CelticsWashington WizardsCharolette HornetsPittsburg*Montreal*

This conference includes two brand new teams! Both cities are long-shots but couldn’t you imagine a Montreal franchise?! Rudy Gobert is going to love Quebec! Pittsburg, while not mentioned as a potential NBA home has the infrastructure necessary and has already demonstrated an ability to vociferously support professional franchises. Despite previous decade’s flirtation with abandoning the NHL Penguins one can easily imagine six games between the process-fueled Sixers and a new rough and tumble Pittsburgh squad.

SouthSan AntonioAtlanta HawksMiami HeatOrlando MagicMemphis Grizzlies

Dallas Mavericks

New Orleans PelicansHouston RocketsMexico City*

The Mexico City franchise seems nearly inevitable at this point. Their natural rivals would be the Texas teams and this conference would foster the growth of such rivalries.

CentralMinnesota TimberwolvesMilwaukee BucksDetroit PistonsIndiana PacersChicago BullsCleveland CavaliersOklahoma City ThunderKansas City Kings*St. Louis*

We’re moving the Kings back to Kansas City. The franchise has been in Cincinnati, Kansas City and Sacramento. It appears as though their time in Sac is at an end. This move gives Mayor Sly James and Kansas City’s Sprint Center (which has hosted preseason NBA games to great appeal within a city that has a recent track record of investing heavily in infrastructure), his known commodity. St. Louis recently voted down a tax bill which would have funded the construction of an MLS stadium. Yet a city which recently lost the NFL Rams would be motivated to gain a mainstream sports franchise. Oklahoma City, Kansas City and St. Louis would be three of the smaller markets in the league but the star power in Cleveland, Minnesota and Chicago would buoy potential earning pitfalls in these more limited markets.

WestPhoenix SunsLos Angeles Lakers

Los Angeles ClippersUtah Jazz

Portland TrailblazersDenver NuggetsGolden State WarriorsSeattle Sonics*Vancouver*

Another inevitability. The Sonics are back! Apparently NBA players loved the Seattle/Vancouver roadtrip and the pairing is a natural (eco-friendly and crunchy and just relax bro) rivalry. The Clippers will be constructing their own arena in the near future as intimated by team owner Steve Ballmer during an interview with Bill Simmons. At that point the LA rivalry will finally be allowed to flourish.

This is your new NBA. In Part II we’ll talk about an expansion draft and a new approach to the playoffs.